Poetical Writing from My Unemployment
In Norway we have a saying. “Ingenting er så galt at det ikke er godt for noe“. It means “Nothing is so bad that there is nothing good about it”. I thought about that last night when I found something I thought had been lost forever.
Back in 1986 I was still living at home with my parents. It was a difficult time. I was no longer in full time education, and I was unemployed. At the age of 21, this was no good situation. With the benefit of hindsight, I can now see how remaining at home so late was extremely destructive to our relationships, but because of my unemployment I simply did not have the means to do anything about this. This resulted in a dysfunctional situation that arguably re-enforced itself in a vicious circle, both with respects to life at home and my prospects for getting out of the unemployment queue.
Because of these circumstances, I went through a crisis mentally. The carefree world I had known in childhood, with its security and comfort was now gone, and I met each day with foreboding and uncertainty. Now thank God – after an influential person who has sadly left this world gave me a reference – I was ultimately successful in getting back into education, and I did leave that queue. Nevertheless it was from this time that I first started putting my thoughts to paper.
“The Enemy” is something I thought had been lost in 2010. I had a flood in the cellar of where I then was living here in Norway, and the original paper containing this got destroyed. Although I had made a copy on my harddisk, I have never been able to find it – until now.
A few weeks ago, I had a devastating harddisk crash, and my friend Jon Blamire in Finnsnes was very kind in telling me exactly how I might rescue my data. After having placed my damaged disk in an enclosure, and being successful in rescuing it, I have been applying the same technique on another yet older disk I have. And sure enough, what do I find today, if not that poetical writing from 1986 that I thought I had lost!
If there is anything that really is interesting, taken as it is from the year 1986 (when I spoke only English), it shows how sensitive I was even then to the distinction between “you” (singular) and “you” (plural). That is something that constantly bothered me, and in many respects still does when I am using English, because I actually think it and am frustrated in trying to communicate it. It is interesting because it shows how different I really must have been given that this is not a feature of the culture I was born in.
The EnemyBe as nasty as you may; you all shall fail. You shall not trouble nor defeat me. I have overcome the lot of you. Your strength is in deception, craftily planned; my strength is in the LORD, whose seal is truth. You are nothing. You are false and empty of all reason. Which of you has any truth? Yet you would dare still to trouble me – and many others too. You are children of deception, the breath of falsehood! Many lives you have laid waste. The ones you hurt are out of sight, rotting in a mental knacker’s yard. They cry aloud, but are not heard. Your crimes go unreported to the world. And so it goes for forever on: each day another joins their ranks. You are the enemy. Like raiders of long ago, you come hoard upon hoard against us, invading the peace and the tranquillity of our minds. How many of you there are! But cowards – all of you! Not to the strong, but to the weak your deadly army goes. Destruction of the self follows you; you leave nothing for our salvaging. Yes you – you are the enemy! These are the ones who have brought us to despair. We were fooled by their crafty game. Haunting us has been their play. We are humans; phantoms they. These ghosts are nothing but good trickery. They should not cause us further fear. Can you not see their emptiness yourself? Shine a light; they disappear! They are shadows in your mind! Ignore them; they can do no harm. You shall live again, and you shall give them nothing for their meal. You shall live in liberty, fearing but Almighty God. Mark my words and have no fear! Unpleasant things will still cross your path. Fear the LORD and worry not! He brings goodness out of ill. Wait for Him and for His will. That is the only thing of any great importance. He is your saviour and your Lord! And if there yet remain some bad thing within your life – then, friend, take this advice. You lead a new life, free of fear and following God; so you be a good Christian, and remember it is more blessed to give than to receive – give it to the enemy.
The above text, with few alterations, was written by me in 1986. The “enemy” was all the troubled thoughts I had at that time, which I looking back upon see as particularly critical.
During that time my thoughts became, as I recall myself thinking of them, “noisy”. However – and thanks be to God – I did not ever think of them as anything other than troublesome thoughts. That is to say, that I remained at all times conscious of what was real and what was not. This critical period lasted until the very early nineties, when I gradually became less troubled by things. I cannot remember any exact date when I realised I no longer had a problem, but I guess it must again have been at some point in the early nineties shortly after I had arrived in Norway.
Not being a psychologist, and never having been to one, I can only suggest the causes of this internal personal crisis. I believe that it was caused in part by long term unemployment, coupled with my related inability to move out of the nest, and away from my parents. Certain people spoke of me as a parasite for that reason. I would “muse” on the meaning of life, that seemed to have disappeared with the end of my school days. It is now my belief that I thought about things a little too much.
In terms of my literary output, this period was quite constructive. I wrote poems and other short pieces of writing. It is not untrue to say that I developed my own special form of English. Of particular interest as mentioned above was my concern to distinguish between “you” in the singular and “you” as the pure plural.
Now that all this lies in the past, I find it much easier to speak about. I put it out on my Site, hoping that it will serve as encouragement for others.
The choir of St. Thomas Church in Leipzig is one I definitely want to hear. I’ve almost decided now – whether or not I think my budget is where it should be – that next year I really am going to have to go there before I turn fifty.
A week or so ago I found this wonderful YouTube clip. There’s a whole concert indeed (a rarity on YouTube), and given that Google has sold out to the Performing Rights’ people, and YouTube videos will shortly be going behind paywalls and those uploading them will have to “clear” them automatically before the upload (“clear” being these people’s euphemism for “pay”) I think you had better enjoy this while you can.
The Wachet Auf Cantata by J.S Bach BWV 140 has a special significance for me. I have one of those memories that is in the “read only” section of my brain. On Monday 10th December 1979, I was transferred to the former Adwick School, just before my fifteenth birthday. My first music lesson began at 1.20 pm and lasted until school ended at 3.20 pm. I even remember that this lesson was in the school’s “periods” five, six and seven. This was the work our teacher, Mr Ketley was teaching. Every single time I now hear Wachet Auf my mind goes through a mental wormhole – and I find myself transported back in time to his class that very day!
It is an association that hasn’t just appeared this year now that our poor school has been razed to the ground. When I went to the former Polytechnic in Huddersfield, I would make references to it in my compositions. In 1989, at the end of my first year, we had to write string quartets, and the Music Department brought in professional players to have them performed. I placed my Wachet Auf reference bang in the middle of mine; or more accurately, I put my Adwick reference there, since that is what it has become for me.
This is a lovely video, but I do fear that the new rules will mean we shall get less of them. So enjoy it while you can!
Today I listened to the church service broadcast on national radio. It struck me that the doctrines of anthropological climate change are beginning to acquire the characteristics of religion.
Given that the service focused on our responsibility for the climate, it was evidently a given to the Church that we actually have such a responsibility. However, that nevertheless remains a theory. I object to the Church preaching it as though it were fact, and to the composition of prayers on this subject.
I for my part do not recognize anthropological climate change. I view it as a lie constructed for political reasons. Yet in this Church service, I am expected to say “Amen” to what I do not agree with. One cannot put one’s hand up in a church service, and say that one does not agree with what is being prayed for!
Moreover this new manmade religion is replacing what the Church is supposed to be. It is indeed a matter of religion and faith, because even now at the time of my writing it has been acknowledged that the basis for this belief (that humans are changing the climate) is fraudulent. That is now admitted! However, clergymen and environmental activists clearly have not registered that what they believe in is compromised. Thanks to the constant climate coverage in our media, if you keep saying it long enough people think it must be true!
Therefore there really is no point in pointing out that there is no consensus on the theory of anthropological climate change. There is no point in discussing the science. Neither is there anything to be gained by pointing out that, in fact, the earth has been cooling and there has been no warming at all since 1998 – a fact that even the normally climate change biased BBC has admitted. Given that there are political conferences coming up in Copenhagen, the inconvenient truth is being positively suppressed.
Facts do not matter because the Church now proclaims that anthropological climate change is true. That is the religious dogma; nobody is really interested in the truth. It will one day be seen that the Church hopped on a political bandwagon – and as people come to see that for the political scam it is, the Church will be seen as an accomplice to the higher taxation and costs that politicians really wanted all along.
Let us be clear, the whole question of anthropological climate change is already compromised; most people just have not registered this. Furthermore, the belief is arrogant and idolatrous.
One day church people will hopefully see how incredibly arrogant it is, that human beings should have the power to change the climate and even to “fix” it after breaking the natural system. These are things that only God Himself can do. If you do not believe in God, then at least see how insignificant we are in comparison to the power of the sun and nature!
The manmade religion of climate change has subtly replaced much of Divine Worship, and is as such idolatry. The ingenuity of this is that we are made to feel guilty. Yet this is the mask for the conceit that makes anthropological climate change such a popular belief. In order to feel guilty in the first place we must also have grandiose ideas about our own importance in creation.
I am compelled to confess that not only is the sky not falling, but that the we would be better doing according to the closing words of the Norwegian confession – grant that we may fear and love but You alone.
Anything else is idolatry. We do not go to church in order to join various causes, however just we may think these are. We go there to be in fellowship with Jesus Christ. When we begin to project our guilt on to things that are not real, like the absurd notion that we have or are about to ruin earth’s climate, we have less focus on the areas in our personal lives that we know come short of what God wants.
Jesus died for what is very, very real. That is the purpose of our fellowship: to meet Him, and remember His sacrifice made once and for all. Manmade climate change is a belief, and I submit not real at all.